Starlight
by A-BondofFlame-R
Summary: Roxas' nightmares always lead him to Axel. But what if each best friend had a secret the other didn't know about? And what if those secrets were finally not so secret? Bad summary, Akuroku


**Author's Note:** Okay, so sorry for not doing much of anything for awhile…heh heh…BUT, it's because I've been reading all of your wonderful fluffy stories!!! And since I have been introduced to the best thing ever, I am sitting here writing a wonderful Akuroku fiction for you!!! ENJOY, please no flames, construction is nice,…*wink, wink*

**Edit:** Okay, so the first upload half the stuff was in italics. I don't know why, but I'm trying to fix it.

The room was dark and still. He lay awake, wondering how his friend was faring tonight. Whether he would have those awful nightmares again, or whether he would have one of those rare rests where he didn't wake up screaming and sobbing. Axel shifted the weight of his head, moving it from his hands to the pillow, figuring the more he worried, the worse things would get. As if things weren't bad enough.

Just about two months back, his friend had rejected the Organization's little pet, per se. He didn't exactly know what he was getting into, and didn't realize how much of a…well…bitch ___Naminé_was when she didn't get her way. She had grabbed him by his shoulders and pressed her forehead to his, implanting horrible, gruesome images into his mind. He dreamt about those almost every night now. They only just recently got a small glimpse of the horrors he had to go through, thanks to Vexen that is. Sometimes, due to the Nobodies having very random sleep patterns, the other members of the Organization would hear him scream in his sleep. Once, Larxene even walked into his room to make sure the kid was okay, and found him crying in his slumber. Now that's saying something. I mean, come ON, Larxene?! That's how you absolutely know something's really outta whack. Well, finally we all sat down to try and see what we could do. Vexen, you know, being the brilliant sadistic scientist he is, came up with a plan.

With Xigbar's help, he'd built a machine that could literally show us his dreams, broadcast the images dancing through his head. None of the members told their little friend about it, or he'd start worrying too. One lucky night, Axel and Vexen snuck into the boy's room. Axel, being walked through verbally by Vex, hooked all the little tubes up to him. Oddly enough, all the poking, prodding, and needles didn't wake their test subject. For once, Axel got a glance at his best friend's bane of existence. What he saw, he didn't quite understand. It was flashes, quick little bits and pieces, but in each one…someone they knew was dead. In the ones with their closer friends dead, the little one cried. But whenever it flashed him -sprawled out gruesomely with broken bones, blood splatters, whatever- that's when he screamed. The small boy yelled, and it was heartbreaking to watch his expression. They got out quickly, before Axel got all emotional, too.

But now, another three weeks later, he was still wishing that ___Naminé had just been eliminated as originally planned. He didn't quite understand why his best friend only screamed when he 'died', but whenever he brought it up, his companion looked down and simply gave the same answer through a cracked voice._

_"__We're best friends. If you…died…I'd be so lost." He was always quite sensitive, even though he only showed that side to Axel. They WERE best friends. _

_But I wish we were so much more….. Gah. Better stop thinking like that._

___ Sometimes Axel's thoughts got him in trouble. But he didn't care. His little buddy always forgave him after a little tickling. It was two in the morning now, and the red haired man was desperately trying to sleep. He heard a loud, annoying knock on his door and just moaned for it to go away. The fist on the door rapped again, this time faster. He figured he wasn't going to get much sleep tonight anyway, so he sat up and pulled the covers down so he could see._

_"__Ugh…come on in…and Demyx I swear to god, if it's you asking me to play…." He looked up to see who had creeped into his room. All he saw was a mop of messy hair._

_"__Dude, I can't see who you are. You're gonna have to speak up you know." Axel cocked his head and waited for a response. After a few moments of silence, the figure looked up. The pyro sighed and just snapped his fingers, summoning some fire so he could see. The figure in front of him was his best friend, obviously just woken from one of his nightmares. Axel had picked up on how he looked when he was truly upset. His cheeks flushed in some places, and paled in others, making him look somewhat like a peppermint candy. The small teen's blue eyes glassed over, and they looked like a swirling, endless abyss. His friend looked exactly like this now. Axel sighed, feeling like a piece of shit for the words he had just spoken._

_"__Another one?" he asked, trying to sugarcoat his voice to comfort the boy. The small blond boy nodded, tears spilling down his face._

_"__Aw, Roxas, c'mere," his friend ran towards him, throwing his arms around his torso and proceeding to sob. _

___ Roxas didn't care if neither of them were wearing a shirt. The only thing that mattered to him was that he could feel Axel's hands trying to comfort him, one stroking his hair with the other wrapped around him and running up and down his back. He could feel the heat radiating off him, warming him up after his cold sweat. He could smell him, that one smell he could never describe perfectly. It was sort of like a bonfire in the woods, but also like sandalwood. These small things he could never imitate in his mind, and that was the one thing he relied on to make sure that these weren't his dreams. Although, his dreams were a lot better than his nightmares, and still better than reality…_

___ Axel leaned down, whispering sweet nothings into Roxas' ear, still attempting to make him feel better._

_"__I'm right here, I'm right here…See, you can feel me…….You wouldn't kill me, not even if you were deranged…I love you…." Now that last part, Axel meant in a totally different way than Roxas did, but if no one told him, he wouldn't know. They were best friends, and that's the love they shared. Roxas sniffed and leaned further into the man's chest. Roxas mumbled something into Axel's chest, but it came out all muffled. Axel chuckled softly._

_"__Sorry Rox. You're gonna hafta come outta my chest sometime or another anyway." Roxas sat up and rested his head on Axel's shoulders instead._

_"…__I love you, too Axel…," he sighed. Axel picked him up bridal style, and got some more blankets out of the closet before he laid Roxas down on his bed. He threw the blankets over his blond friend and sprawled out next to him. The small blond boy threw his thin arms around the older boy, and then proceeded to sleep. Axel sighed. The sight in front of him was what he had always wanted, just the circumstances weren't quite right. He had figured the small boy had a crush on Demyx. Demyx would walk into a room, and Roxas would just lock up. The musical boy would walk up to Roxas, whisper one thing in his ear, and the blond boy would turn beet red. Just one single word from Demxy would get him going. Axel frowned. He didn't care anyway. He just truly wanted Roxas to be happy, no matter who he was with. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to the boy's cheek._

___ It was the next night, and Axel was sitting on the rooftop of the Castle that Never Was. He was staring up at the stars. Some nights he and Roxas did this together, but tonight he was alone. His mind wandered, and he let it go places he restricted whenever he was in Roxas' company._

___ The reason he liked the stars so much wasn't so much because it was Roxas' name, but more the fact that they reminded him of the boy. The light they gave off was just enough to let him see. It made him..peaceful, to a degree. But the stars also made him agitated, not with anybody in particular, except himself, that is. Ah well. He knew he would never be able to tell Roxas how he really felt, but the surprising part was that the boy never put two and two together. The whole rest of the castle knew, and for once had the decency to keep their mouths shut. Axel figured he ought to be going back inside before he caught something. _

___ Axel made his way down the hallway, but when he reached his room, the light was already on and the door was cracked. He stopped, puzzled just who the HELL would have the nerve to bust into his room, and have the guts to flaunt it by leaving the light on. The red head slowly walked into the room, hoping to catch the perpetrator. The door creaked open, and he saw a little bundle of sheets shaking. Bundle-of-sheets must have heard him walk in, because a head poked through to look at him._

_"__Axel!!" He whisper-shouted. His voice was so rough and scratchy, Axel couldn't even recognize it. The little sheet person thing, hugged him._

_"__A-axel, I walked…*sniff* I walked in here and…and..you w-weren't in here…and I thought…you w-were…," the little person trailed off, and Axel instantly knew who it was. He hugged the little bundle tight. _

_"__Oh Roxas I'm sorry…I forgot to leave a note or something….Aw…shhh…come on please don't cry anymore Roxy……please don't cry…..shhhh….I'm right here….come on, let's go to your room." Axel was trying to simultaneously comfort the shaken Roxas and lead him back to his room. The blond boy looked up at him with confusion. The young man grinned a little._

_"__Roxas, I know your quirks. And you like doing everything the way you like it. Even though you don't complain. So my room isn't your favorite place to sleep, am I right?" He asked, still smiling. The small blond boy blushed, and grabbed Axel's arm to start walking to his room. _

___ They walked into the younger boy's room, and Axel noticed that the blond had decorated his room a little more since he had last been in there. Well, maybe it'd been when Larxene took him out to Twilight Town to talk about some…'things.' Axel didn't exactly know what those things were, but he figured Larxene was just trying to help the kid, even if it WAS on his behalf. The room was lit, but not by the light on the ceiling. The lit was just bright enough to see, but also so one could fall asleep. Roxas' lamp was star-shaped, one of those big, yellow stars you see little kids draw in the night sky. Oddly, the light it gave off reminded him of being outside on the rooftop, watching the starts. The 'starlight' made him a little more comfortable._

_Huh, maybe that's why the lamp is even in here.____ He smiled at his idiocy for even having to wonder about that. He kept looking around the room, finding random bits of paper and song lyrics –Axel frowned at this, Demyx had obviously been in here- and a weird and oddly placed piece of black paper was taped to the ceiling. The owner of the room coughed._

_"__Um...Axel I hope you don't mind…but I'd like to take a quick shower….the…uh, crying made me all sticky and...er….," the boy trailed off, reddening at the end. Axel smirked, walking over to the boy and bending towards his face._

_"__Would you like some company?" he asked, making his voice seductive. Roxas laughed lightly and poked his cheeks, running off to go wash up. Axel sighed; the boy really COULDN'T take a hint._

___ The older boy walked over to Roxas' desk, and noticed a small song list with names. He sat in the chair and picked the small paper up. Apparently, Demyx and Roxas had spent some time picking out some songs that would fit the other members. The paper was split into two columns, one with Roxas' choices and the other side with Demyx's picks. He read Demyx's side first, just because of the boy's musical talent and diversity._

___Roxas: 'Just So You Know' Jesse McCartney or maybe 'Innocence' by Avril Lavinge. _

___Axel: 'What Hurts the Most' Rascal Flatts_

___Xigbar: 'Trigger Happy' Weird Al_

___Zexion: 'Breaking the Habit' Linkin Park_

___Larxene: 'Bad Boy' Cascada_

___ From there, the page was ripped. Axel laughed, because it would be Demyx giving Larxene that song. He also wished that Demyx had not picked that song for him, because when Roxas left, that actually fit him all too well. And they all knew that he didn't want Roxas exactly knowing, and for that particular song's reasons, in fact. He brushed it off and continued to read Roxas' half._

___Demyx: '_Take Me Back Home' Greg Raposo

Axel: 'Sorry' Daughtry

Marluxia: 'Butterfly' DDR 'lol'

Vexen: 'The Man Song' Bob and Tom

Xemnas: 'Little Girls' Oingo Boingo

Axel just smiled at Vexen's song, but Xemnas' just the TITLE and Axel threw his head back and started cackling and snorting. He was running out of breath and his sides hurt before he could stop laughing like a maniac, and even then he was still chuckling quietly. His eyes wandered over the desk some more, and his vivid jade eyes settled on an aqua iPod. Axel figured these songs were on the music player, so he picked it up and shoved the buds into his ears. He went through the playlist until he found one called, 'Organization XIII.'

Roxas came out of the bathroom, his hair wet and wearing some sweat pants. He wished so much he could tell Axel what he wanted to, but didn't want to push him away. He especially didn't want Axel to abandon him because Axel was his one and only sanctuary when it came to those awful….night terrors. The blond boy shuddered as he remembered. He looked over to the chair at his desk where his red haired friend was sitting, and noticed the light emitting from his hand. Roxas dragged himself over to his friend, rested his head on Axel's shoulders, and looked at the playlist he was scrolling through. He looked up top at the name, and flushed.

"Uh, er, Axel, did you look at the songs Demyx and I came up with?" the blond boy asked, trying to hide his caution. Demyx had told him some things he had promised not to tell Axel about, and there were a few things Roxas himself thought Axel was better off not knowing.

"Yea, I did!!! Aw, man, you're one for Mr. Mansex? Priceless! I just got done listening to that one." His best friend was laughing quietly. But then he continued.

"What's up with your song choice for me?" Axel asked, turning his face to see Roxas, "It sounds…depressing. And a little…angsty? Did NOT know you were into that stuff, Roxy." Axel smirked when he saw Roxas flush. The blond boy turned his face away. He really wished he had hid that list somewhere. Or burnt it. This wasn't supposed to happen. Axel wasn't ever supposed to know.

"Did you listen to the song I picked for Vexen, too?" The blond boy was desperately trying to change the subject, but Axel noticed that. Axel scratched the back of his head.

"Well, yea I did. It really fit him, too. And you should know better than to try and change the subject. It just makes me more curious. Now c'mon, tell me. Or at least tell me who I'd be singing to…or about?" Roxas sighed. He hated the fact that Axel would never let him rest once he was curious.

"Nothing, alright? Can we talk about something else please?" Roxas looked down, trying not to cry. Axel tried to find another subject to talk about, but couldn't. He let the awkward silence remain. That is, until he remembered Demyx.

"So," he began," what's the story about you and Dem-dem?" Axel smiled trying to make the boy smile in return.

"ExCUSE me?!" Roxas almost yelled when he snapped around to look at Axel. Axel snickered a little; apparently, he didn't know the castle knew.

"Well, I know you have a crush on him. And I mean, based on the fact he hasn't exactly rejected you, I thought maybe…you know." Roxas just looked at him a blank stare on his face. Then he was a flash of blond hair flipping back and forth. Then he started waving his arms in front of him.

"I'm sorry, let me just get this straight. You, my best friend, think I like DEMYX? Demyx, of all people in this castle?" Axel arched his eye brows, and gave a slow, cautious nod.

"Well, I mean, he'll just walk up to you and whisper something in your ear. Then you'll turn redder than I've ever thought possible. So…I guess you don't, right?" Axel was completely lost thanks to this revelation of sorts. Roxas was trembling a little, just barely fast enough to be visible.

"Axel, all Demyx was ever telling me was he knew who I liked. Which he does. But he did tell me some things about YOU. About…when I left," his voice was shaky, and he turned around once more to face Axel. He saw Axel flinch somewhat and look down. Roxas waited for a response, but when he didn't get one, he started talking again.

"He told me you were a mess. He said it actually hurt to look at how broken you were. You don't know how much….I mean…I…You….ugh. Just forget I said any of that, okay?" Axel truly didn't know how much it confused him.

"But Demyx did tell me one more thing. He…said you have a secret. A secret you couldn't tell me. Because he says you say it's just plain awful, and if I ever knew, you'd go and kill yourself. I don't care what it is, but just…don't kill yourself, okay?" Afterward there was an awkward silence.

Axel looked down at his feet some more. He really hoped the kid wouldn't put two and two together anymore. He couldn't let him leave. Just then Roxas decided to cut the tension.

"So…uh….did you really want to know why I chose that song for you?" the little blond was fidgeting, like the reason he had in mind was silly. Axel figured it'd end up being kind of cute, so he really didn't want to know. It'd just end up giving him more hopeless dreams, but he didn't want this tension to continue, so he said yes.

"W-well," the young teen stumbled a little over his words, "I figured…it'd be the song you'd sing once you rejected this certain person." Roxas looked up when he heard his friend snorting.

"And who exactly would I reject? Larxene?! Psh. Yeah, right." Then he thought about it a little. He thought a little deeper into the song. "But then…why would I have to convince this person I'd always be there, even though I rejected them?" Roxas bowed his head, trying to conceal the emotion in his eyes.

"Because you're Axel. The person you rejected….you knew they needed you. But they weren't certain you needed them." Roxas had lowered his voice to just above a whisper. That's the only volume he could manage while trying to fool Axel. But it didn't work, because he slipped up at the end and his voice cracked. Thankfully, Axel ignored it. Roxas tried once again at changing the subject.

"Axel, if we're best friends, how come you can tell Demyx this 'secret' but not me?" Axel grunted. He really didn't want to answer this question. But he figured he ought to answer at least why he couldn't tell him.

"I can't tell you because if I do…I'll lose you again. And apparently Demyx already told you I didn't handle it well the first time. I don't even think I...I could…..not again." His voice too had been lowered to a raspy whisper.

"Axel. Nothing you could ever say would ever make me leave you. I figured, you being my best friend, you would have already figured it out. But obviously with you thinking I like Demyx…." Roxas trailed off. Axel's head snapped up to glare at him.

"And what in nothingness is that supposed to mean?!?! I'm oblivious?!" Axel fumed. "And thanks to that comment, maybe I ought to tell you!! All this time, I've been trying to not push you away, but if you want to be unappreciative, I think I will tell you. When I fell apart because you left? It's just like the song Demyx chose. I didn't get to tell you I loved you. The secret I couldn't tell you? I love you. The reason I'm sad when you cry at night? I care about you. But those nights when you WANT me to hold you…those are the worst for me. Because I do have an imagination you know. And that imagination likes to sometimes think…that….you care for me as more than a friend too." Axel had gotten of the chair during his confession, and now proceeded to storm out the door, leaving a blank-faced Roxas.

Axel had locked his door, and had made up his mind to let no one in. He knew Roxas didn't like using the dark portals and only did to go on missions. He would always come back and complain about how sick they made him feel. Axel was sitting cross-legged on his bed; the sheets sprawled every which way. He was killing himself inside. He just had to go and open his mouth, didn't he? Maybe this time he should leave. That way he wouldn't have so many constant reminders that Roxas didn't want him. He wouldn't have to face the sympathy from their friends that did more harm than good. But, then, where would he go? He could not go to the ocean, he could not go to the streets. Those were reminders, too.

He heard a knock on the wooden door. It was loud and demanding, but he ignored it.

Axel remembered singing lullabies in Roxas' ear, telling him that life would go on whenever something happened.

He remembered those vacation days that they shared at the beach. The palm trees would always sway in time with Axel's hair, as Roxas pointed out.

He remembered that little giggle Roxas would give whenever he tickled him for forgiveness.

He remembered the times that he and Roxas would sit on the rooftop and talk. Talk about nothing, anything, everything for hours into the night.

And then…he started to cry. For the first time since Roxas had come back, Axel truly cried. The tears spilled down his face, and the more he remembered, the faster they came. He rocked himself back and forth; his knees were pulled into his chest, and his head was between his legs. Axel was so engrossed in trying to even breathe, he didn't notice when someone portaled into his room.

Roxas tried to regain his balance. He had hated those stupid portals. He stood up straight, and the sight before him astonished him. It was Axel, hugging himself and sobbing. Maybe this was what Demyx meant when he said it hurt to look at him. Roxas' vision was glassing over, and he knew he had to act fast before he broke down, too. He walked over to Axel, lifting his face up with his left hand. Axel wouldn't look at him, but Roxas continued to unwind Axel from himself. He pulled one arm down and placed it by Axel's side, and he grabbed the other arm's hand.

"Axel. Please look at me. This is important." Roxas was already too late, he was crying too. Axel didn't see, because he still wouldn't look at him. His red haired friend just continued to cry himself a river to drown in.

"Well even i-if you won't listen to me-"Axel cut him off sharply.

"Can't you just leave me be?" Axel finally looked him in the eyes, and wrenched his hand away. They continued to have a stare down. Roxas was losing big time, the agony in Axel's grass green eyes was too much. The fact that this was his entire fault was making him eat his heart out.

"Because this is my fault. And I never want to see you unhappy. But I need to tell you a story. Please listen to me, Axel." Roxas placed his hands on his friend's shaking shoulders.

"When you said Demyx would always make me blush…Well, he would always whisper the name of who I liked into my ear. He would always whisper your name, and you were always right there. I never stopped worrying that you had heard." Roxas slid his hands up to his friend's face, continuing to whisper,

"The song I chose for you…I chose it because I knew that you weren't cruel enough to reject me and leave me forever. Especially since I've been having troubles. It was me I thought you'd turn down. I knew I needed you. And I still need you Axel. I always will." He was looking down, ashamed of himself for not saying anything sooner. He felt a warm, sticky hand on his face.

"Roxas…do you really think I would ever leave you? I don't even know I'd live." His voice was cracking, but the emotion made it that much easier for Roxas to think this wasn't a dream.

"The month you weren't in the castle, I could barely get up in the morning, much less hold up in a mission. Larxene really had to come into my room and feed me, or else I wouldn't eat. Saix even stopped assigning me missions. Even he knew. I was just lucky when I was going back to our place that I found you." Axel had pulled Roxas onto his lap and was now running his hands through the blond's hair.

"Axel….for once, I'm going to listen to my non-existent heart on this…" Roxas got up on his knees, pulling Axel close. He wound his arms around his neck, and leaned down to touch noses. Axel's eyes widened, and he opened his mouth in shock. He'd never seen Roxas so bold.

Roxas leaned down a little more, gently pressing his lips with the one's of whom he loved. Axel finally responded, and kissed him back. He pulled away first, pulling Roxas down with him. They were now lying side by side. Axel wove his hand through the blond locks on the younger boys head, and laced his fingers on the other hand with Roxas'. Roxas put his hand on Axel's warm chest and snuggled up close to him.

When the morning came, Demyx cancelled both of their mission's for them. He had walked into Axel's room to see both of them, finally happy.

**Man, **I hope you all enjoyed that. It took me two whole days to type the thing, and I didn't have to think about it! I already had it in my head! If I get some good feedback, I might write a sequel, I dunno. Thanks!


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